It’s TIME!

What an amazing week this has been! I officially opened my counseling practice this week, and I’ve had overwhelming support. It’s amazing how you can envision a thing for so long, and then it hits you that – It’s TIME! I want to thank all of you who stopped by the office, sent notes and gifts and have scheduled your appointments virtually and in person. It’s Time for change, and we are going to put in the work to make it happen. Below, find a few photos of the experience.

Chamber of Commerce was present for the ribbon cutting
My husband Benny, one of my biggest supporters
Support from Bluefield University Men’s Basketball Team

Can I Get a Refill

Greetings to each of you! I am hopeful that you’re having a purposeful day, with plans for an intentional future. Today, I’m sharing my personal lament! I need a REFILL! I know someone is saying, “Valerie, you’re not alone”, while others may be chuckling at the thought. Trust me, it doesn’t matter what side of the coin you’re on, this is real.

As a counselor and leader, I’ve discovered over the past few weeks that I needed to see my counselor too. I had worked myself empty emotionally and mentally. I was a mess! One might ask, “Valerie, what was the issue?”, good question. What I discovered is I had isolated myself as a coping mechanism in the grief process. I was “staying busy” with tasks not assignments. I wasn’t sleeping properly, eating properly, and operating often as if I were an island. I needed a refill.

I sought help, I talked loud, I prayed, and I listened and came to terms with my emptiness, and got what I needed. Have you ever found yourself in this place? Knowing that something is missing, yet you don’t pause to assess and realign. Let me encourage you to change that behavior. Suppressing our emotions is often a fuel to feed anxiety and depression, and we don’t want that. We should all desire to live a life as free and intentional as possible. I got my refill with aid from my trusted circle and want to extend to those who may be hurting, an opportunity for you to get your refill too.

Let’s prepare for the new year with a new mindset concerning self-care and self-worth. Let’s move forward with understanding our emotional intelligence. Let’s decide today that we are WORTH whatever it takes to get what’s needed for our best lives, and championing our efforts like never before. If you need a refill, I’ve got some fuel!

Reality Check

Who am I?  Have you ever asked yourself that question? I hope I’m not the only one.  I know who I am honestly, but these last few days have prompted me to have another Reality Check.  I had a self-love conversation with myself, and the first question was, “What if…..?”. That question triggered thoughts of inadequacy and disappointment, but I got myself together and re-aligned the conversation.  Now please don’t think that I was coming down on myself with this reality check, because I wasn’t.  I used this moment to fuel me for moving forward.

I have dealt with the realities of trauma, hardship, and vision; mine and those close to me, and I recognize that I have done much, but I have so much more to do. You see, I’m one of those people who pours into others daily, longing for a reciprocated exchange.  I’m so used to never saying no. – but that’s got to change. Knowing who I am, requires that I maximize my worth and stop sliding to the background.  I am a woman of purpose, and I’m making an impact – my reality check spoke loudly that it’s time for change.

My marriage, my family, my ministry, and my business are an expression of my truth – and my truth requires an upgrade.  Family, I don’t know what your reality is presenting right now, but I’d like to encourage you to check yourself.  Make sure that you’re consistently adding value to your life, that your priorities are in check and your vision is clear.  We often get weighted down by the complacency of life, but that needs to change.  You are powerful!  You are impactful! You are worthy! Today, be brave enough to take that reality check and govern yourself accordingly.

Why Is This Happening to Us?

Photo by Alex Green on

Do you ever have those days when you feel like you’ve lost yourself? Do you ever feel that being in your marriage has taken your voice away? Well, I’ve dropped by today to remind you that your marriage matters, even when these moments surface.

When you feel silenced or lost in your marriage, I wonder if you’re falling prey to the enemy’s tactics or holding fast to God’s promises? When I’ve felt isolated and unimportant in my previous relationships, I discovered that I WAS a big part of the problem. When you’re not making an effort to engage and communicate daily, it will cause you to want to distance yourself from your spouse. The constant distancing will, in turn, cause you to seek engagement in other people. (that’s a NO-NO!)

Marriage is a covenant relationship with God first, and then each other. People enter into marriage with “pie in the sky” expectations, not investing in counseling for guidance, insight, or strategy, with the thought that we’ll be happy every day and it will be problem-free. Wake up, marriages have moments of turmoil, pain, and change, but you can make it through all of that – I’m a witness. Today, know that whatever you’re feeling in your marriage that seems beyond repair, don’t give up just yet.

If you’re married, do me a favor and contact your spouse, remind them how much they mean to you. Remind yourself that where you are today, is not where you’re always been. Your marriage matters and things can change if you put in the work. 🙂

Last Words

Very different, from any other time in my life, loss of family and friends has sadly become a frequent event. From the transition of my sister in June, until now – I’ve comforted more family and friends that I’d admittedly desired – but did it because I cared. The thought that keeps playing in my mind is, “What were their last words?”

When my sister transitioned, it was for most, a typical day. They sent her the “good morning” text messages, and she replied, like normal. I didn’t get a response that day. I felt a little challenged emotionally, but I didn’t let it get the best of me. You see, I’d had a conversation – rather a vivid dream about my sister, and I get to replay her last words in my mind always. Those words – “I’m tired”, where enough for me to know that she was settled emotionally, spiritually and physically to let go. Did I like what I was hearing? No, but I embraced her reality – and began preparing myself for her transition.

Have you had a conversation with a loved one or friend, holding on to their last words? Are you in a place where you need to offer forgiveness to someone who, based on your last words, doesn’t feel loved or appreciated? There are many scenarios, I know, but the bottom line today is – your last words matter. Whether it’s finishing a call, dropping off a loved one to travel, visiting someone in a hospital or institution – how you finish your conversation or interaction with them could be life changing.

Today, speak with compassion, forgiveness and love. Make sure that your last words are seeds of hope for those who receive them.

My Silent Killer

You’re always looking at me, the glare in your eyes of disdain, what do you want from me? Haven’t you already taken enough from me! Just look at yourself, look at the mess that you’ve caused – you know these things that happened to you are youre fault. You see my pain, yet you insist on torturing me. It doesn’t matter, not anything matters, and no one cares. The pressure, I can’t take the pressure. Just end it – just please finish it! There’s no need for tears, you’re not going to be missed! You’d be better off dead. – written by me in 2014

These words are thoughts of a past in which I thought that life for others would’ve been better if I weren’t around. You see, my silent killer was my reflection – the image of me that I saw. Based on the things that I’d heard over my life by those who said that they loved me; those that I thought I was supposed to trust, I was nothing and was going to be nothing. For many years low self-esteem had tortured me, constantly having me compare myself to others. The difficulty is that for many years during my youth; I was the only “colored” girl in my classes. My hair was different; my size was different, even the way I spoke was different – so imagine the thoughts of rejection that constantly swept through my mind, not just based on my comparisons, but on the things I saw and heard. My perception of my life was worthless! I existed without living.

What captures a mind, especially in the formative years of life that would cause someone to have utter disdain for their life? Jeremiah 1:5 reads, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee; I have appointed thee a prophet unto the nations.” Can you grab hold of this scripture? Can you accept that before you came into the world, God already had a plan for your life? Can you embrace the reality that before the enemy initiated the attack against your life allowing individuals to plant the seeds of destruction – the seeds of death that God intended that you live and not just live but live with purpose?

There was an enemy, a silent killer that was within me, seeking to destroy me before my life could even get started. Have you ever dealt with the enemy (your inner me)? Let’s deal with that silent killer now!

“Be sober, be vigilant; because of your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”

1 Peter 5:8 KJV

A segment from My Reality Revealed – A Journey of Empowerment

Be Prepared

Kisumu, Kenya Assignment

You are amazing, and a gift to the world! When was the last time you told yourself that, or someone reminded you of your worth? I pose this questions to you today, but also reminding myself. 🙂

In June, I was blessed to travel to Kisumu, Kenya to minister to women and visit children in several schools. This was another life changing opportunity, filled with moments that I will never forget. One of the most memorable moments was participating in a baptism for more than 30 individuals, including my spiritual daughter, Kelia Grose. We had talked about this taking place, but could not have imagined that it would take place.

Be PREPARED! There are moments that are awaiting you, and in this season – you must show up prepared. Your next life changing moment will require the right mindset, conversation, and knowledge. Spend time now to discover, define and develop your individual purpose – if you’re not sure what you’re to fulfill on the earth. It is time to ROAR. Let’s be prepared and ready to make an impact.

Let’s Transform Together

Are you struggling with taking your next step into greatness? Are there still stumbling blocks clouding your mind? If you’re in that place, I want you to know that I’ve been there too. When I share with people that I have been Empowered to Empower Others (#E2EO), it’s real. I have faced different types of trauma since childhood, and even today – dealing with the loss of my sister and best-friend. Life happens and brings with it consequences, based on our choices.

Today, I want to invite you to collaborate with me on the journey of transformation. I sense an urgency for many of you to – level up- and you don’t know where to begin. I want to help! Take a few moments and identify those areas in your life that are limiting you and then drop me a message and let’s come up with a strategy to knock those barriers down.

I am transforming daily, and I’m ready for us to do this TOGETHER!

I Sow Seeds of Truth

If you’re ready for CHANGE – you’ll receive the Seeds. That phrase may seem a bit direct to a few, but it’s my truth. I’ve experienced days where I felt less than adequate to fulfill my assignment, based on the reactions of the people in my audience. I would watch their non-verbal responses and listen for feedback, which was minimal, and guage my effectiveness. I soon discovered that many that sat at my table, where not assigned to me in this season and they weren’t ready for the seeds of truth, they were only interested in cotton balls.

Today, with no reservations, I fully embrace that I’m assinged to sow seeds of truth into the soil of the souls which are prepared. If you’ve met some resistence in your effort to be, according to your purpose, understand that everyone is not your audience or assignment. Sow your seeds of truth into a prepared place, and watch it grow!

 #transformationcaoch #E2EO #Purposedriven #seedsower #receivetheseed 

#Kingdomassignmemt #internationalvoiceI

I Want to Yeild, but ……..

In several of my groups, over the last few weeks we’ve been talking about the need to submit. James 4:7 reads, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” That scripture seems so simplistic in concept, but the reality is that we want to yeild, but we also want to lead.

How many times have you attempted to take situations into your own hands, and it didn’t work? Good, I’m not alone. I recognized while on my journey, that I had to submit to the will of the Father, and reconcile my desires. It was time for me to yeild and trust the process, even when I didn’t understand it.

Today, know that you’re not losing anything by yeilding to God’s plan, you’re actually positioning yourself to win. Today, start digging a little deeper to determine WHY you’re resisting to yeild? You can’t Yeild and lead.