Empower Me Coaching and Counseling

Women’s History Month

Flavor News’ Worldwide Extraordinary Women

What an honor to be amongst these phenomenal worldwide women! Someone asked me, “How did you get on that list?”. I almost took offense but then began to chuckle as I responded, “I’m good like that!” ☺️ The truth is, I was honored to be on this list because I showed up!

This issue focuses on being a positive role model for our teens and tweens, which are being exploited through their own innocence and misunderstanding what love is. In my youth, I was one of those who looked for love in the wrong places during, due to abuse. I thank God, I was able broke free from that bondage, and would have loved to have a role model to mentor me, but I didn’t. I suffered in silence for many years, seeking answers, with no one to ask.

We are going to partner and make a difference, and if you’re interested in being a part of the effort, please do. We are stronger together!

Where Is Home?

There is a quote that says, “Home is Where the Heart is” but based on many relationships I’m seeing, I’m not sure where home is. Home is defined by Oxford Language, “as a place one lives, an institution for people needing professional care, or aimed toward with great accuracy”. What I’m seeing as the new definition of “home” is far different. Home has become the job, the casino, the bar, or the game. People are spending more and more time away from the place where they should dwell together as a family unit, and spending more time in places that often become hindrances instead of benefits.

Is our home and family time still important to our society? Are we valuing that time around the dinner table, movie night, or family talks? Is your marriage still filled with pillow talks, and date nights; or has the fire gone out? Today, I would that you take a moment and recognize where you’re spending your time, and what you’re doing with it. Our marriages are in trouble, our children are going astray, the family fabric is unraveling at an alarming rate – and we need to change that.

Now for some of you, you’re saying Valerie, I’d rather be away from the toxic living arrangement that I currently have – those places are my safe haven. I get that, but let me suggest to you that you find an alternative space where you’re able to experience safety, security, and peace away from outside stimulus. Find a place where you can heal.

Today, I’m making a conscious effort to make my home, “HOME” again, and I pray that each of you will do the same.

It’s TIME!

What an amazing week this has been! I officially opened my counseling practice this week, and I’ve had overwhelming support. It’s amazing how you can envision a thing for so long, and then it hits you that – It’s TIME! I want to thank all of you who stopped by the office, sent notes and gifts and have scheduled your appointments virtually and in person. It’s Time for change, and we are going to put in the work to make it happen. Below, find a few photos of the experience.

Chamber of Commerce was present for the ribbon cutting

My husband Benny, one of my biggest supporters

Support from Bluefield University Men’s Basketball Team

Can I Get a Refill

Greetings to each of you! I am hopeful that you’re having a purposeful day, with plans for an intentional future. Today, I’m sharing my personal lament! I need a REFILL! I know someone is saying, “Valerie, you’re not alone”, while others may be chuckling at the thought. Trust me, it doesn’t matter what side of the coin you’re on, this is real.

As a counselor and leader, I’ve discovered over the past few weeks that I needed to see my counselor too. I had worked myself empty emotionally and mentally. I was a mess! One might ask, “Valerie, what was the issue?”, good question. What I discovered is I had isolated myself as a coping mechanism in the grief process. I was “staying busy” with tasks not assignments. I wasn’t sleeping properly, eating properly, and operating often as if I were an island. I needed a refill.

I sought help, I talked loud, I prayed, and I listened and came to terms with my emptiness, and got what I needed. Have you ever found yourself in this place? Knowing that something is missing, yet you don’t pause to assess and realign. Let me encourage you to change that behavior. Suppressing our emotions is often a fuel to feed anxiety and depression, and we don’t want that. We should all desire to live a life as free and intentional as possible. I got my refill with aid from my trusted circle and want to extend to those who may be hurting, an opportunity for you to get your refill too.

Let’s prepare for the new year with a new mindset concerning self-care and self-worth. Let’s move forward with understanding our emotional intelligence. Let’s decide today that we are WORTH whatever it takes to get what’s needed for our best lives, and championing our efforts like never before. If you need a refill, I’ve got some fuel!

Reality Check

Who am I? Have you ever asked yourself that question? I hope I’m not the only one. I know who I am honestly, but these last few days have prompted me to have another Reality Check. I had a self-love conversation with myself, and the first question was, “What if…..?”. That question triggered thoughts of inadequacy and disappointment, but I got myself together and re-aligned the conversation. Now please don’t think that I was coming down on myself with this reality check, because I wasn’t. I used this moment to fuel me for moving forward.

I have dealt with the realities of trauma, hardship, and vision; mine and those close to me, and I recognize that I have done much, but I have so much more to do. You see, I’m one of those people who pours into others daily, longing for a reciprocated exchange. I’m so used to never saying no. – but that’s got to change. Knowing who I am, requires that I maximize my worth and stop sliding to the background. I am a woman of purpose, and I’m making an impact – my reality check spoke loudly that it’s time for change.

My marriage, my family, my ministry, and my business are an expression of my truth – and my truth requires an upgrade. Family, I don’t know what your reality is presenting right now, but I’d like to encourage you to check yourself. Make sure that you’re consistently adding value to your life, that your priorities are in check and your vision is clear. We often get weighted down by the complacency of life, but that needs to change. You are powerful! You are impactful! You are worthy! Today, be brave enough to take that reality check and govern yourself accordingly.

Why Is This Happening to Us?

Do you ever have those days when you feel like you’ve lost yourself? Do you ever feel that being in your marriage has taken your voice away? Well, I’ve dropped by today to remind you that your marriage matters, even when these moments surface.

When you feel silenced or lost in your marriage, I wonder if you’re falling prey to the enemy’s tactics or holding fast to God’s promises? When I’ve felt isolated and unimportant in my previous relationships, I discovered that I WAS a big part of the problem. When you’re not making an effort to engage and communicate daily, it will cause you to want to distance yourself from your spouse. The constant distancing will, in turn, cause you to seek engagement in other people. (that’s a NO-NO!)

Marriage is a covenant relationship with God first, and then each other. People enter into marriage with “pie in the sky” expectations, not investing in counseling for guidance, insight, or strategy, with the thought that we’ll be happy every day and it will be problem-free. Wake up, marriages have moments of turmoil, pain, and change, but you can make it through all of that – I’m a witness. Today, know that whatever you’re feeling in your marriage that seems beyond repair, don’t give up just yet.

If you’re married, do me a favor and contact your spouse, remind them how much they mean to you. Remind yourself that where you are today, is not where you’re always been. Your marriage matters and things can change if you put in the work. 🙂

Last Words

Very different, from any other time in my life, loss of family and friends has sadly become a frequent event. From the transition of my sister in June, until now – I’ve comforted more family and friends that I’d admittedly desired – but did it because I cared. The thought that keeps playing in my mind is, “What were their last words?”

When my sister transitioned, it was for most, a typical day. They sent her the “good morning” text messages, and she replied, like normal. I didn’t get a response that day. I felt a little challenged emotionally, but I didn’t let it get the best of me. You see, I’d had a conversation – rather a vivid dream about my sister, and I get to replay her last words in my mind always. Those words – “I’m tired”, where enough for me to know that she was settled emotionally, spiritually and physically to let go. Did I like what I was hearing? No, but I embraced her reality – and began preparing myself for her transition.

Have you had a conversation with a loved one or friend, holding on to their last words? Are you in a place where you need to offer forgiveness to someone who, based on your last words, doesn’t feel loved or appreciated? There are many scenarios, I know, but the bottom line today is – your last words matter. Whether it’s finishing a call, dropping off a loved one to travel, visiting someone in a hospital or institution – how you finish your conversation or interaction with them could be life changing.

Today, speak with compassion, forgiveness and love. Make sure that your last words are seeds of hope for those who receive them.

My Silent Killer

You’re always looking at me, the glare in your eyes of disdain, what do you want from me? Haven’t you already taken enough from me! Just look at yourself, look at the mess that you’ve caused – you know these things that happened to you are youre fault. You see my pain, yet you insist on torturing me. It doesn’t matter, not anything matters, and no one cares. The pressure, I can’t take the pressure. Just end it – just please finish it! There’s no need for tears, you’re not going to be missed! You’d be better off dead. – written by me in 2014

These words are thoughts of a past in which I thought that life for others would’ve been better if I weren’t around. You see, my silent killer was my reflection – the image of me that I saw. Based on the things that I’d heard over my life by those who said that they loved me; those that I thought I was supposed to trust, I was nothing and was going to be nothing. For many years low self-esteem had tortured me, constantly having me compare myself to others. The difficulty is that for many years during my youth; I was the only “colored” girl in my classes. My hair was different; my size was different, even the way I spoke was different – so imagine the thoughts of rejection that constantly swept through my mind, not just based on my comparisons, but on the things I saw and heard. My perception of my life was worthless! I existed without living.

What captures a mind, especially in the formative years of life that would cause someone to have utter disdain for their life? Jeremiah 1:5 reads, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee; I have appointed thee a prophet unto the nations.” Can you grab hold of this scripture? Can you accept that before you came into the world, God already had a plan for your life? Can you embrace the reality that before the enemy initiated the attack against your life allowing individuals to plant the seeds of destruction – the seeds of death that God intended that you live and not just live but live with purpose?

There was an enemy, a silent killer that was within me, seeking to destroy me before my life could even get started. Have you ever dealt with the enemy (your inner me)? Let’s deal with that silent killer now!

“Be sober, be vigilant; because of your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”

1 Peter 5:8 KJV

A segment from My Reality Revealed – A Journey of Empowerment

Be Prepared

You are amazing, and a gift to the world! When was the last time you told yourself that, or someone reminded you of your worth? I pose this questions to you today, but also reminding myself. 🙂

In June, I was blessed to travel to Kisumu, Kenya to minister to women and visit children in several schools. This was another life changing opportunity, filled with moments that I will never forget. One of the most memorable moments was participating in a baptism for more than 30 individuals, including my spiritual daughter, Kelia Grose. We had talked about this taking place, but could not have imagined that it would take place.

Be PREPARED! There are moments that are awaiting you, and in this season – you must show up prepared. Your next life changing moment will require the right mindset, conversation, and knowledge. Spend time now to discover, define and develop your individual purpose – if you’re not sure what you’re to fulfill on the earth. It is time to ROAR. Let’s be prepared and ready to make an impact.

Let’s Transform Together

Are you struggling with taking your next step into greatness? Are there still stumbling blocks clouding your mind? If you’re in that place, I want you to know that I’ve been there too. When I share with people that I have been Empowered to Empower Others (#E2EO), it’s real. I have faced different types of trauma since childhood, and even today – dealing with the loss of my sister and best-friend. Life happens and brings with it consequences, based on our choices.

Today, I want to invite you to collaborate with me on the journey of transformation. I sense an urgency for many of you to – level up- and you don’t know where to begin. I want to help! Take a few moments and identify those areas in your life that are limiting you and then drop me a message and let’s come up with a strategy to knock those barriers down.

I am transforming daily, and I’m ready for us to do this TOGETHER!