You’re always looking at me, the glare in your eyes of disdain, what do you want from me? Haven’t you already taken enough from me! Just look at yourself, look at the mess that you’ve caused – you know these things that happened to you are youre fault. You see my pain, yet you insist on torturing me. It doesn’t matter, not anything matters, and no one cares. The pressure, I can’t take the pressure. Just end it – just please finish it! There’s no need for tears, you’re not going to be missed! You’d be better off dead. – written by me in 2014
These words are thoughts of a past in which I thought that life for others would’ve been better if I weren’t around. You see, my silent killer was my reflection – the image of me that I saw. Based on the things that I’d heard over my life by those who said that they loved me; those that I thought I was supposed to trust, I was nothing and was going to be nothing. For many years low self-esteem had tortured me, constantly having me compare myself to others. The difficulty is that for many years during my youth; I was the only “colored” girl in my classes. My hair was different; my size was different, even the way I spoke was different – so imagine the thoughts of rejection that constantly swept through my mind, not just based on my comparisons, but on the things I saw and heard. My perception of my life was worthless! I existed without living.
What captures a mind, especially in the formative years of life that would cause someone to have utter disdain for their life? Jeremiah 1:5 reads, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee; I have appointed thee a prophet unto the nations.” Can you grab hold of this scripture? Can you accept that before you came into the world, God already had a plan for your life? Can you embrace the reality that before the enemy initiated the attack against your life allowing individuals to plant the seeds of destruction – the seeds of death that God intended that you live and not just live but live with purpose?
There was an enemy, a silent killer that was within me, seeking to destroy me before my life could even get started. Have you ever dealt with the enemy (your inner me)? Let’s deal with that silent killer now!
“Be sober, be vigilant; because of your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:”
1 Peter 5:8 KJV
A segment from My Reality Revealed – A Journey of Empowerment