Free Yourself of the Limitations

We often move through life entrapped by emotions, mindsets and epectations imposed by others, and it can be a painful experience. Today, I want to share with you a small snippet from my upcoming release, Let’s D.I.P.

When I finally got it together, or at least, consistently on the path, here are a few things I did to overcome the limitations I’d imposed on myself:

  • Change my language –  I held to the Word of God in Proverbs 18:21, which reads, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” I had to remind myself of the things “potential” had spoken, and start talking life.
  • Overcome fear – I was afraid of succeeding, and I was attracting the wrong things.  2 Timothy 1:7 reads, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (NIV)
  • Change my circle of influence – Matthew 5:30 reads, “And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.  It is better for your to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”  I had to remove every stumbling block, even family members.
  • Stretch through education – I had to be willing to receive instruction from those wiser than me. Proverbs 1:7 reads, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. 

Reflect on the things that may be limiting you, and resolve them, as you are on a journey of discovering, defining, and developing your individual purpose.

The Ex Insecurities

Hey babe, I saw my ex at the mall today, and he told me to tell you hello. How do you think this spouse responded? What would your response have been?  Well, let me share what my husband would probably do – he’d give me the side-eye, and then ask, “Which one?”!

In the earlier years of my marriage, we had challenges with my past relationships because I didn’t wholly disengage with people, I redefined their role.  When someone has held a particular position in your life, and you’ll discover that it’s not healthy and separate, it doesn’t mean that this person can’t still be in your life, they need to stay in their new lane, called acquaintance.   

I’ve worked with many couples who have real challenges with insecurities about the ex’s that stem from betrayal, fear, and some attempting to keep their dirt covered by imposing pressure on their mate.  Whatever it is that’s causing the insecurity in your relationship, I want to encourage you to get to the core of that emotion before it destroys something beautiful.

I’m Tired of the Hustle, I’m Ready to Flow!

Do you remember the movie, “Hustle & Flow” that hit the screen in 2005? That movie got my attention, not because of the story line, but the cutie, Terrence Howard. 🙂 This story presents a pimp, who decided that life had more to offer, and he began pursuing his dreams and purpose. He knew there was more! I feel that during this COVID-19 pandemic, many of us have discovered that very same thing, there is more that I’m supposed to know, see, speak and accomplish.

In 2019, I released a book entitled, I’m Ready to ROAR, Releasing Our Assigned Resolve. This book is a collaboration of stories from women who, like me, realized that they had something in them that was greater than what they were experiencing in that present moment. For me, this was a movement that had been seeded in me more than 15 years ago, and not until I embraced my truth, was I able to move forward and see the manifestation of God’s desire for my life.

I hustled, not like a pimp, but I tapped into every entrepreneurial sales endeavor shared with me and tried working for other people, but it never worked. I kept looking for my success through the lens of others but not recognizing the flow of the anointing that rested on my life. I found fulfillment in education, so I went back to college, got my MS degree, became a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor and Certified Temperament Counselor, and Character Coach for a private Bible College. Things were shifting.

Alingment, timing and the right support system postured me to tap into my FLOW! No longer will I fall prey to the ideas of other, becoming silenced, stifled, or even paralyzed in regards to my purpose; it’s flow time! I want to encourage you today, that no matter where you are in life – there is more to you! There is some untapped potential that’s desiring your attention! There is an audience waiting to hear your sound! There is a solution that you’re supposed to discover, and it’s not going to happen in the hustle, but it will happen when you begin to flow in your call, gifting, anointing and God-given purpose. Let’s Flow!

Are You Afraid of Success?

Happy Tuesday, family! I’m having one of those “reality moments” in my life where I’ve recognized that I was making excuses for not executing God’s plan for my life. A few years back, I felt that I’d taken the reigns on fear, completely overcoming it – I was wrong. What I understand now is that I had overcome the fear of failing but there is still some apprehension about being a SUCCESS!

A phrase from the 1933 inagural address of Franklin D. Roosevelt states that there is, “nothing to fear but fear itself”, and wow, is that real! We take the time, spend the money, put life on hold, to obtain the degrees, training, and expertise needed to succed in our sphere of influence but when the stage is illuminated for us, we shy away. Okay, maybe you don’t but I have. I AM Amazing! I’m a wife, mother, grandmother, author, coach, counselor, mentor, editor, speaker and apostolic leader. I have traveled internationally to minister and empower women several times, and still empower audiences weekly through my radio show. I’m reaching more readers each week, from this blog and the books I’ve written, with wonderful responses. I AM amazing – so what am I afraid of again?

What I find most amusing about my situation is that the expectation to succeed was self-imposed, and unreasonable. I was guaging my ability to succeed based on what I was seeing in other people and it scared me. I was strugglling with the impostor syndrome, trying to be something I wasn’t, and knowing my self-worth. I was afraid! The scriptures tell us in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Ya’ll I had to get my mind right, and I did!

Today, I confronted the fear of success, and I’m winning! I am moving forward in what I’ve been purposed to do, and I encourage you to do the same. No More FEAR!

Does My Marriage Matter?

Do you ever have those days when you feel like you’ve lost yourself? Do you ever feel that being in your marriage has taken your voice away? I know that during this pandemic, we have been busy being the husband/wife, the parent, the employee/employer, student, and all the other roles we play in any given day, and often neglecting our role as spouse becuase it doesn’t seem to matter. Well, I’ve dropped by today to remind you that your marriage matters!

When you are feeling silenced, or lost in your marriage, I wonder if you’re falling prey to the tactics of the enemy, or holding fast to the promises of God? When I’ve felt isolated and unimportant in my previous relationships, I discovered that I WAS a part of the problem. When you’re not making an effort to engage and communicate daily, it will cause you to want to distance yourself from your spouse. The constant distancing will in turn, cause you to seek engagement in other people – that’s a NO NO!

Marriage is a covenant relationship with GOd first, and then each other. People enter into marriage with “pie in the sky” expectations, not investing in counseling for guidance, insight, or strategy; with the thought that we’ll be happy everyday and it will be problem free. Wake up, marriages have moments or turmoil, pain and change, but you can make it through all of that – I’m a witness. Today, know that whatever you’re feeling in your marriage that seems beyond repair, don’t give up just yet. There are often individual, internal challenges that you brought with you that are affecting how you’re functioning in your marriage – don’t give up!

After reading this, if you’re married, do me a favor and contact your spouse and remind them of how much them mean to you. Remind them of WHY you’ll got married in the first place. Remind them that you’ll have made a promise to God and each other to endure through the good and bad, and that nothing should seperate you’ll. Remind your spouse today that your marriage matters!

Ask For Help

In a session with one of my clients this week, I posed the question, “What made you finally ASK for help?”. She paused, smiled, dropped her head – attempting to somewhat dissengage, but I didn’t let her. She later shared that she was afraid of how she was feeling and that she was TIRED. I sighed, and smiled back saying nothing.

I recognize that for many, asking for help is seen as a moment of weakness but it’s actually the contrary. When you ASK for help, you’re actually tapping into your inner strength to take your life back! I want to encourage you today with this truth – ASKING FOR HELP is a key to EMPOWERMENT! Will you tap into your strength today and be Empowered?

Marriage Requires Forgiveness

As a Pre-Marital and Marriage Counselor, it’s been revealed that most challenges happen in marriage because the individuals came into the marriage broken, selfish and harboring unforgiveness from the past.

One of the greatest keys to Wholeness in marriage lies in our ability to understand forgiveness. We have high expectations of our Heavenly Father to forgive us through our life journey. We must place that same leverage on our ability to do the same for others. Being unable to forgive forces us to remain in a dimension of bondage.

Situations and events that we hold even in our subconscious mind can hinder our progress to a fruitful life. When we activate the “will of God” or his original intent for our lives, wholeness takes place. A lot of times we carry burdens that don’t even belong to us. When we look at mothers and fathers that go through a divorce and pass their unforgiving tendencies on to the children, until they forgive each other, the wholeness process will continue to attach to those relationships possibly for generations vicariously. Without fail, unforgiveness creates a troubled life. The cause of most negative behavior traits is related to the origin of a traumatic episode in our life.

          The lack of forgiveness forces us not to face our problems, and sometimes we suppress the situation or events and replacing it with sinful, dysfunctional, and destructive behaviors such as:

  • Drug addiction
  • Alcoholism
  • Compulsive Behaviors (Paraphilia / Pedophilia)
  • Sexual misconducts
  • Low Self-Esteem

Colossians 3:13 reads, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV) Jesus set forth the model of forgiveness that each of us should follow. His ultimate sacrifice is an example as to how we should measure forgiveness in all situations, especially our marriages. (a segment from We Want to Be Whole by me, being released in 2020)

Counseling and People of Color

Life challenges are not color blind! Emotional, mental and spiritual problems hit everybody, but there is a definite stigma in our people of color from seeking help from counselors. Most share that the issus iis fear, pride, denial or finances, and each of those could certainly play a role but is there something deeper? To those of you who read this post, please share with me your opinion. Thanks in advance! #concernedcounselor

Don’t Be So Quick to Judge

It’s Just Valerie, on a writing day!

If you met me on the street looking like this, what would be your first thought? She’s crazy, she needs help? Something’s wrong? We generally come up with an opinion that’s negative when we engage with someone who “appears” differently, okay, maybe not you – but most do. As an African-American woman who is educated, skilled and powerful, I am also a woman that is misjudged, said to be overly aggressive because of my appearance, and to some even dumb. Where do these thoughts resonate from?

Often, our midjudgement of others speaks to an inferior situation from within. We desire to disqualify someone, making them feel as though they are less than because that’s how we are actually feeling about ourselves. Take a moment and ask yourself, “Why do I judge others so quickly”? Did a particular moment present itself, a moment when you discounted someone that could’ve held the key to your next assignment or success? Did you get an uneasy feeling from within, as you’re recognizing that there are a particular group of individuals that you misjudge, more than others?

Today, I want you to be aware. Aware of your reactions to those who look different, speak differntly, smell differently, even live differently and don’t be so quick to judge. As you are sizing them up, remember that you’re also revealing a truth about yourself. #judgenot #weallhavesomething #differencesarenotaissue #manageyourmindset

I Can Cope

What do you consider being the first step to coping? In my opinion, it’s mindfulness. Mindfulness is defined as, “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something; a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feeling, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” What I’ve experienced as an individual, counselor and coach is that you will never cope with that which you refuse to confront.

Today, I want you to self-reflect and be willing to confront any area in your life that you’ve been avoiding. Today, I want you to become the champion of your consciousness, and be fully aware thaat there may be areas in your life that require that you cope with them, instead of pushing them into the recesses of your mind. You have the power to do this, and I believe in you. Today, be EMPOWERED to make a difference and Cope. #ICanCope #Mindfulness #Empowerment #counseling #coaching #purpose